3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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