I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
