I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
