I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Pooping to opera.
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