This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
