If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
