I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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