Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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