Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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