I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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