Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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