Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
