So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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