That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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