genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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