Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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