i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
