i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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