It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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