Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
