i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
