Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Randomize
