you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
