Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
