She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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