Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i out mim tonsoeep
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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