There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
