i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
