I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
