I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
