I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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