she told me i tasted like america
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
