haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
