I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
