thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
