john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
