Umm I'm too high to move.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Someone shattered a urinal.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
