I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm too high and old for this...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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