My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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