garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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