we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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