and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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