Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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