Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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