Screwed.edu
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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