the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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