in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
