If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
