You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
