have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
