Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
